Paul tells us how his Shared Lives carer role has accidentally reunited some old college friends.
We hear you've managed a Shared Lives 'Friends Reunited'! Tell us more!
Two of the men I support, Deng and Joe, realised they knew each other from when they met at college years ago.
How did it happen?
Geraldine (Joe’s mum) mentioned some of Joe's old friends Joe and she mentioned Deng’s name. So the next time I supported Deng, I took him to Joe’s house and now they make regular plans to see each other; Joe goes to tea at Paul’s when Deng is there and Deng will make his own way to Joe’s house for tea. Joe has also been to Deng’s house and they've been out to the pub together to eat together.
Why do you think it's important that people you support have friends and are learning to create and maintain these relationships?
We all need friends; Deng said its good to have friends. It's given them both confidence in knowing how to be a friend, making plans together and taking it in turns to meet in different places, doing different things. Joe and Deng now share support sessions with me, so we can do more together too.
How did it make you feel to be a part of reuniting old friends?
I felt like I had done something useful; it made me very happy because one of my biggest goals with Shared Lives is enabling people to develop friendships.
When Joe and Deng share a session, how do you all decide what to do?
We all decide what to do, along with Paul, who also shares some sessions. Sometimes Paul will suggest something too and Joe may say 'yes' or 'no'; Deng's happy to do whatever we decide. They've got more confident arranging to see each other outside of our support sessions and are also more confident travelling independently to meet up. They keep in touch on WhatsApp too.
Has their friendship and history changed the support you offer Deng and Joe, both in shared sessions and separately?
If they hadn’t already known each other, I might need to support their friendship more. As it is, I give them the opportunity to spend time together with me and we all decide what we'll do. Sometimes I'll go into the kitchen and hear them chatting like the old friends they are.
Joe and Deng aren't the only friends I've reunited either! Joseff has known Deng since 2014 and he remembers how Deng welcomed him back to college after he had been in hospital. 'Paul being the Shared Lives carer for us all has reunited us all' Joseff said. 'I also know Liam and Paul (who have respite with Paul), we all went to Wales for the day.'
How have these friendships made you feel about the job you're doing with Shared Lives?
I would definitely recommend this as a job! I didn’t know it was going to be like this; I thought I would support people on their own, not have the opportunity to enable them to make new friends or find old friends again. I can’t think of one person I support that hasn’t benefitted from meeting a new friend in someone else I support - I suppose it helps that I'm supporting eleven people though Shared Lives at the moment!
What do you think is the most important thing people should know, if they're thinking about being a Shared Lives carer?
You have to remind yourself you are doing a job, that’s how good it is! What makes it great is that it's friends and family orientated and you get to support people who are similar in age and interests with you, so everyone gets something positive out of a Shared Lives session!
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