Paul's offering short stay

Paul joined Bury Shared Lives as a day support carer (read more about that here) and is now offering short stay support too.

Congratulations on your first short stay placement!

Remind us why you decided to move from doing just day support to offering short stay support too.

I always thought that long term support would be my favourite, because the person living with you becomes a family member you know very well. Short stay is a good stepping stone to knowing what long term support will be like, and its advantage over day support is that you don't need to plan much travelling between houses. This is especially handy for supporting people in the evening, when people might be tired afterwards or not want to go home late at night. Thankfully I have two spare bedrooms so I can offer a combination of support and I'm fortunate that two members of my family have decided to join Shared Lives so we can help each other out with the people we support; it’s nice to have such a lovely network of care. The best thing about doing short stay is it’s a bit like having extended family! It’s a bit like a holiday for people's families and carers and it means people we support get a change of scenery. It’s nice to be able to give that to someone. Some of the people I support during the day are thinking about having respite in the future too.

You've just begun to support Graham with short stays - how were you introduced?

When the team told me I was a match with Graham, I happily went to see him at the day centre which he goes to. We walked to McDonalds with his social worker and had a cup of tea and I showed him a picture of my house, explaining that this was where he could stay while his mum was in hospital. I mentioned that I'd heard he likes watching Emmerdale and Coronation Street and told him I was looking forward to watching them with him during his stay. Although there wasn’t much direct conversation from him to me, when I was leaving the day centre on the day we met, he gripped my hand and asked: “When are you coming back?”. This told me that the placement seemed like a good idea. 
A few days later, Graham and his family came to visit me in my home and we agreed three or four dates for short stay support over the next few months. Because Graham doesn't understand everything we talk about, his family and I discussed the details with him there. Grahams' family and social worker can pick up well on what he wants to say through his body language. So far it's worked very well, and we have all agreed that this should become a regular thing.

What sorts of things do you and Graham do together when he stays with you?

As well as watching the soaps, we enjoy cooking and doing things around the house together. We go out on a Saturday and visit my grandparents sometimes. We do our shopping together and he won’t let me carry any bags to the car (I certainly miss that when he goes home!). On the rare occasions that I have to do my other job on a Saturday, he spends some time with my dad or my grandma. 

How have the Shared Lives team supported you to offer short stay as well as day support?

They have been very supportive and I know they are there if I ever need a chat. The first night Graham stayed with me, he was upset, confused and missing his mum, who was having an operation. He'd probably forgotten that he was coming to stay with me and thought I’d just be taking him shopping and then back home. Two of the team and the manager came out to comfort us that night, all well past their working hours. My manager visited again the following day and rang to check on us at the weekend. This is huge dedication, which you wouldn’t find in the average organisation. 

Have you learnt any other new skills or knowledge while you've been supporting people with Shared Lives?

Although it’s our job to support others, sometimes those we support help us to discover positive things about ourselves and caring for others often makes us do things we never realised we could do. I've realised I can cook well when I put my mind to it and I've learned a lot about communication. I've learnt how to get to know someone gradually, without always using direct speech and how to adjust to another person’s needs, even when the circumstances are completely unexpected or unpredictable. Doing short stay support has more than prepared me for long term placements; Graham needed a lot of one-to-one support and could not be left alone, unlike lots of people I have supported through Shared Lives who travel independently and can let themselves in and out of the house. 

Would you encourage people to try being short stay support carers?

Definitely. All jobs have challenges, but with Shared Lives there are very few. Of course people you're supporting miss their family or main carers, but the Shared Lives Team are there to help you if this happens. Most people understand where they are going in advance and are really happy about it. It feels great to know that someone has become used to your home and now sees it as their second home, I would highly recommend giving it a try.

We ask Paul your questions about how short stay placements work:

How flexible is short stay and day support? How do they fit in around other commitments?

Short stay is like a holiday for the person you support, whereas day support is more like a day out. Although I prefer short stay support, day support is a bit easier while I’m still doing my other job part time as it means I and the people I support can be more flexible in the hours we spend together. Short stay support does fit well with doing day support, as I can support other people during the day while the person who's staying with me is at a day centre, work or college during the week. In many other cases, you can support more than one person at the same time, depending on their likes and needs – this helps people build friendships too. Once I have given up my other job, I would love to do short stay support all the time. 

How far in advance will you normally have a date confirmed for someone coming for a short stay?

Normally there will be plenty of notice. If it’s someone you support regularly, you will know weeks and sometimes even months before. Obviously, there are some exceptions and when there are emergencies, it’s nice to be able to do whatever I can for anyone who needs support.

How much of a say do you have in what days you can/can't support people, or in the length of time you can support people for with short stays?

100% say – you can always say no. As a single person, I imagine I will do long term support for someone who has a particular level of independence but I am also happy to offer short stay support for people who need more support, as I always know how long it will be for. 

Names have been changed to protect people's privacy.

*you don't need to own your own house to be a Shared Lives carer. Find out more here. 

Find out more about how Paul got started with Shared Lives, doing day support, here LINK

Want to know more about Bury Shared Lives? Click here.

Read more case studies from across Persona - just click here.